CEO Coaching: Be Tough, Not an Ass

I don’t buy into gentle parenting, and I don’t buy into soft leadership either. Kind? Yes. Empathetic? Absolutely. Supportive? Of course. But tough? Hell yes.

Mistakes shouldn’t be ignored. Feedback—both positive and negative—should come with real consequences. Leadership isn’t about hand-holding; it’s about setting expectations and enforcing them.

That said, there’s a not so fine line between being tough and being a jerk.

Take, for example, the current circus in Washington, where the Musk/Trump administration is tackling some legitimate issues—ones that absolutely need to be addressed. But the way they’re doing it? A masterclass in what not to do. When leadership looks more like a schoolyard bully shaking down lunch money, you’ve got a problem.

If any public company CEO made erratic decisions, belittled employees, and created this level of chaos, shareholders would be sharpening their knives. And their severance package would come with a two-word sendoff: “You’re fired.”

Let’s be real: The United States is spending like a drunken sailor on shore leave. We’re digging ourselves into a financial sinkhole, and as the saying goes, when you’re in a hole, stop digging. A mix of spending cuts and tax increases is inevitable—including on the sacred cows of Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security.

Tough decisions? Absolutely necessary. But right now, we’re watching a government that’s tossing babies out with the bathwater—and spanking them as they fly by.

So what does this have to do with you as a CEO? Everything.

Leading a business means making tough calls: firing people, fixing mistakes, and delivering hard truths. Do it decisively, but do it thoughtfully. If you take pleasure in the pain of others, congratulations—you’re not a leader. You’re just a grade-A jackass with a title.

I’ve spent years coaching executives on how to make the hard calls while still being respected (and yes, even liked). A real leader knows when to be tough and when to show grace. A real leader doesn’t need to break people down to prove he’s in charge.

A real leader isn’t an ass.