CEO Coaching: Lead Like Putin

Does the ability to control human behavior by creating mistrust, unhealthy competition, possible jail time, or even death excite you? If so, you’re the perfect candidate for my new class, “Lead Like Vladimir Putin!” Coming soon to a Gulag near you!

There are leadership books with titles that include “Lead Like Jesus,” “Lead Like a Woman,” “Lead Like a Pirate,” “Lead Like Water (?),” “Lead Like a Marine,” “…a Monk,” “…Louie,” “…Walt,” “…Moses,” “…Ike,” “…a Master Gardener,” “…a Lion,” and “…a Cop.” Why not “Lead Like Vladimir Putin?” Aren’t you tired of all the leadership lessons coming from that Goody Two-shoes Volodymyr Zelenskyy?

In this course, you’ll learn that building trust is for wimps. Instead, you can have everyone fear you! Yes, they could stab you in the back (literally), but with enough armed sentries at your many castles, you’ll probably be safe.

You’ll study the art of mental toughness. You don’t have to be tough yourself, for heaven’s sake. You’ll learn to fake it and cause others to do your bidding—as long as they know they may be poisoned. 

We’ll explore the myth that you need a strong management team and the lunacy of a succession plan. We’ll teach you how to think of yourself as God (not a God, but the God). You’ll then know that it really is all about you. Strong subordinates are dangerous, and it’s better to have five numskulls than one brilliant lieutenant as you can always poison four of them. (There’s an optional session titled “Better Leadership Through Chemical Intervention.” Extra fee required.)

One of the more popular sessions is on showboating. If you can ride shirtless and bareback on a pony, people will love and respect you. We’ll show you how to stage image enhancing events like wrestling a taxidermic tiger, exuding confidence when your economy is as spurious as Rudy Giuliani’s hair color, photobombing military parades, and sucking up to other despots.

We’ll end our course with the highly acclaimed session “Buying Friends and Influencing Others With Nuclear Objects.” This session never fails to show the folly of dignity, humanity, and service. What gibberish!

Sign up now on my website, and I’ll throw in the soon to be published book “Nepotism: The Only Requirement for Leadership” by Kim Jong Un.

Please note: There are no refunds should V. Putty be assassinated before course completion.

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